What if there was a way to make that easier and better for the hosts?
How can the guests increase the likelihood of receiving an invitation to share a fun meal and friend time together?
People having others in their home for meals has been on the decline for decades. The purpose of this idea is to move that trend the other way and make it more likely that people will host get togethers around food in their homes.
It makes having guests more approachable for the hosts. And if you are the guests, it is a way to bless the people that are providing the place to enjoy the meal.
Here is a real story that happened recently.
It involved our friends, two of their sons, and their parents.
We were enjoying our friend’s 20 something sons being in town for the holiday weekend. We smoked cheese on their smoker and got kind of excited and decided that we should make smoked smashburgers before they flew home. Our only opportunity for that was lunch on Sunday, which is usually the day that we throttle way back and rest up for the upcoming week. It is very unusual for us to plan to have guests on Sunday. However, we really wanted to make the burger fest a reality. One son kindly and generously volunteered to get all of the ingredients. It just seemed right. We said yes, let’s do burgers Sunday.
They supplied all of the ingredients. We did not have to make a grocery list or make a trip to the store. That reduced the ease and expense of preparation. It is very rare that guests supply all of the raw ingredients for a meal. It was generous.
Our friends, their two sons, and our friend’s mom and dad came over with armfuls of food at lunch time. Grandma brought a delightful broccoli salad. Mom brought some watermelon, pineapple, and other fresh fruits. 3 pounds of hamburger. Mustard. Buns. It felt generous of them to do that. And it kept us from having to make a grocery store run. That’s an important piece of the story. Skipping the store commitment lightens the load. And the son’s generous offer and enthusiasm to get all of the ingredients made the day more accessible for us. It tipped the scales for us.
By the time that they arrived, I had the smoker pumping out pecan and mesquite smoke. We put the 1/6 pound meat balls for the burgers in the Charbroil Analog electric mini-fridge smoker and then fired up the CampChef 600 flat top griddle. They brought two large bags of frozen potato wedges that were seasoned and pre-cooked. They added a couple big piles of onions to the potatoes for extra zest. The sons manned the griddle using two spatulas to stir, warm, and lightly char the onions and potatoes. This was quick and delicious.
Then we teamed up on the big griddle to make 9 double-meat smash burgers with mandolin-sliced onions. One of the sons suggested that we put mustard on the meat before grilling to add flavor, ala In and Out burgers. We toasted the buns on the griddle after grandma put a thin coat of mayonnaise on them. My goal was to make the smoking and griddle cooking a fun experience for the sons. I mostly just orchestrated the meat smoking, potato grilling, and burger smashing. We all wore aprons.
Each son’s personality came out. One was very meticulous and careful while making the potatoes. He carefully distributed them and kept an eye on each one. He cut several of the big ones in half to make them cook more evenly. He was methodical and careful. His brother seemed like an optimizer, putting mustard on the meat, breaking the corners off the square cheese slicesto keep it from melting on the grill like his grandfather, and toasting the buns. I enjoyed the entire process. I think that they did too.
We filled our plates and sat down to eat. Grandma and grandpa, who are in their 80’s told some wonderful stories about the early years of their marriage. He shared about his first grill. They had just purchased a home and did not have any money for a charcoal grill. So he got a shovel, dug a hole in the ground, and used the rack out of the oven to hold the meat. He said that their house payment was $100 a month and that was a lot because he was making about $60 a week at the time. It was before the invention of the credit cards when people only bought what they could afford. They told several stories about growing up during the Great Depression in the 1930’s and their early married years in the 1950’s. Grandpa said that he still had the original paper coupon book from 1957 that he used to make their house payments. The grand parents telling about their experiences with their kids and grandkids was quite delightful. They gently helped each other remember some of the details and descriptive words. Their sweet kindness and gentleness with each other made my heart feel good. I believe she said they had been married 68 years. Some sweet things happen with vintage love and we got to feel that with them.
Our lady friend said to me, “I really enjoyed watching you cook with the boys. You were getting so much joy out of the experience.” That was such a true statement. One of my very favorite things is cooking with people. When I get to connect with people, maybe teach them something new, and encourage them a bit, I am getting to be 100% me. You may have noticed that this blog is called GrillnGather. There is a good reason for that!
When we were done everyone jumped in and helped bag up the leftovers and clean the kitchen. Typically, we don’t ask or expect guests to clean up. Our hearts are to serve the people that come for meals. Cleaning the kitchen shoulder to shoulder was thoughtful and one more way to make it a more joyful experience for the hosts. What could be a minor pain point becomes a positive thing. When we remove the pain from otherwise good experiences, we are much more likely to do them again.
Several days have passed since the Sunday smash burger lunch and we are still feeling the joy. Almost every time that we have people over it is a good experience. However, there are personal energy and financial costs associated. I don’t think too much about the dollar cost. Maybe because I don’t pay the bills. But there is an energy output for both of us. And we almost always say it was worth it.
I am winding up to make my big point. In this season of history in American culture, it is becoming more and more rare for people to invite people into their homes to sit around the table and experience a meal and conversation. And, at the same time, warm connected relationships are the most important thing to a meaningful life and to our health.
We discussed this shared meal experience with some friends and I was a little surprised that several of them said that they would happily make the grocery store run and help clean up afterwards if we got to cook and share a fun meal together. And I am energized by the cooking together part. It's not hard. It’s one of my favorite things. Hey, I think we accidentally discovered something here. We are much more likely to get together at our home with friends if they offer to make the grocery store run and stay afterwards to clean up. These days I have been thinking more and more about the importance of connection. This way of gathering increases the likelihood of us being together for a nice meal in our home.
Of course, we will continue to do the “all inclusive” meals at our home where we specifically ask our friends to just bring themselves. And we will plan to generously serve and clean up afterwards. Some of our very best friends do that for us and it is an extravagant and luxurious uncommon gift.
And we will plan to open the door to experiment with increasing connection by putting the option out there for guests to provide the ingredients and stay after to help clean up.
I was talking with our friend while writing this and he said, “The key in the concept is that there should be comfortability in “blurring the line” between guest and host. When the preparations are shared among people, the event moves from give-and-take to make-together. People like to collectively contribute.”
We are planning to share more meals with the people in our lives by opening up the idea of spreading the load and doing “make-together.”
Let’s Grill and Gather!